A message to all mankind:
Hello. My name is Lauren. And there is something I have to tell you. Menstruation doesn’t exist.
First I will disclose that I am one hundred percent female. I have all the female parts and everything. I was born female, I grew female, and I identify as female.
And it is only I, Lauren, your little Internet friend, who will tell you the truth: Menstruation doesn’t exist.
Aunt Flo: hoax
Red Coats: hoax
Red Tide: hoax
Mother Nature: totally real. (Heidi Klum has been named the official Mother Nature due to her biomechanical form. Machinery is the future and Heidi will lead us with her laser eyes to lead the way.)
Time of the Month: hoax
Bloody Mary: hoax
Lady Troubles: hoax
It is literally something all of womankind made up in order to mess with men. From the age of twelve up through this moment, I too was a part of this deception that has spanned thousands of years.
It has been rumored that a woman’s period is a time at some point every month or has a timing which has something to do with the moon, and lasts between three and five days. This is mainly because we cannot get our facts straight. So instead, we women have men believing that every woman’s body is a little different, which is why our periods do not occur at a concrete time every month for the same number of days. This is also a hoax. Every female body is exactly the same in every possible way, physically and emotionally (This is why we all look the same, act the same, think the same, are the same height, weight, and color. This is also why we shame our own fellow woman for deviating her appearance from the acceptable norm). Therefore, if periods existed, then clearly they would occur at the same time every month, for the same amount of time, and women would be groaning from cramps in unison.
This is also why tampons, pads, diva cups etc, are taxed as a luxury in stores. The only women who purchase these items are doing so in order to keep up appearances of their alleged ‘period’ in front of male store clerks and the men they live with. We also keep these items in our purses because they don’t take up that much space. And really, in the midst of all the other useless crap we keep in our bags, what is one more thing?
As for the pad and tampon dispensing machines in the lady’s room, this is also part of the joke. These machines are often empty, broken, or both. Yet women don’t really seem to complain about them. Some would have you think that this is because women are socially trained to not whine about anything because they will be viewed as weak or negatively feminine. The truth is, we don’t care.
You may ask why half of the human population went to the trouble of making up the idea of menstruation and then continuing to lie for hundreds of generations. The truth is this: blatantly lying to men by giving them false information about a condition that doesn’t and has never existed is hilarious.