Heidi Klum is a Cyborg

Believe it or not, our beloved model and real estate agent, Heidi Klum revealed on Friday, January 27th, that she is a cyborg.  It began on her fourth birthday, January 27th, 1942 when her legs were cut off by Adolf Hitler because she got into art school and he did not.

“I’m not angry with him,” she told Pope Francis.  The loss of her legs via such a prominent figure got her into a high-end prosthetic program.  After receiving, and finally gaining the ability to walk with her new legs, she was hooked.  Hook-handed that is.  At the age of 15 in the year 1942, Heidi Klum, for the sheer joy of it, lopped off her her left hand and replaced it with a hook.  Klum loved not having her legs or left hand.  She never had to worry about rolling her ankle or spraining five of her fingers.  She was determined to become invincible.

After years of upgrades and hundreds of surgeries, today Klum’s body is at least 72% machine.  She assures the public that she loves her bio-mechanical form and plans to replace her corneas with lasers this fall in order to zap leaves off oak trees for her new fashion line titled Falling For Fall.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s